Council issues domestic abuse advice after Valentine’s Day

A specialist domestic abuse service has issued some important guidance for victims after Valentine’s Day took place last week.

The service, which is run by Kent Country Council is warning people to be aware of the signs of domestic abuse, as well as safe ways to get help and support.

The service said that around big events in the annual calendar, the signs of domestic abuse are not always visible and seemingly loving gestures can be tactics of coercive and controlling behaviour.

The service explained that ‘love bombing’ is often a manipulation tactic used by abusers to overwhelm a partner with affection, charm, attention, compliments, and declarations of love to gain power and control over them.

The behaviour is intense, excessive, and obsessive – with partners bombarded with messages, gifts, promises, and pleas to commit early in a relationship.

According to statistics, 2.4 million people in England and Wales experience domestic abuse every year and 1 in 5 under-18s will have lived with domestic abuse at some point in their childhood.

Experts at the service added that abusers can use constant communication to create a sense of dependency and trust for their victims. Once they’ve gained their partner’s trust, they use emotional manipulation such as gaslighting, humiliation and insults to control what they do, who they see and how they act.

Leah was in an abusive relationship for 25 years, feeling captive by the emotional rollercoaster of her partner’s behaviour. She recalls:

“He was charming, manipulative. I soon became isolated from my family. He would turn up while I was out with friends. I felt so embarrassed and trapped, it became such an issue when I would go out.

“I left so many times, but he would sweet-talk me and I’d go back. It was the mix of him being so sorry, and really wanting us back. He also knew how much taking our wedding vows meant to me, he’d use that to convince me to come back.”

Roger Gough, Leader of Kent County Council, added:

“Anyone can be a victim of domestic abuse. We shouldn’t assume there is a typical victim, but we can learn about the warning signs to help us identify abuse and provide support to protect people. This is why it’s so important that all of us, family, friends and colleagues, stay vigilant for and report any signs of abuse – particularly at this time of year.”

Domestic abuse can take many forms including coercion, economic control, stalking, sexual assault, violence and threats and Valentine’s is a good time to check if a relationship is healthy.

Domestic Abuse signs to look out for:

• Intensity – Things get serious quickly, they want to see you all the time.
• Jealousy – They want to know where you are going and who with, they cut off your contact with friends, are paranoid, and make accusations.
• Control – Who you see, what you wear, they check your phone and internet history.
• Isolation – They prevent you from seeing friends or being social and block access to travel or your phone.
• Criticism – Nit-picking, name-calling, cruel jokes, ridiculing your values or beliefs, making you feel worthless.
• Sabotage – Making things go wrong for you, picking fights, hiding your things, turning up unexpectedly, spreading lies.
• Blame – Say things like “You made me….” or “If you hadn’t…”
• Anger – Outbursts and fights, threaten and intimidate you.
• History – Past relationship breakdowns are always the other person’s fault.

If you have concerns about your relationship or are worried about someone please call Victim Support at 0808 168 9111 or visit www.domesticabuseservices.org.uk.

In an emergency, call the police on 999 (if you can’t speak – cough, or tap the handset then press 55 on your phone – the police will know it’s an emergency).

Anyone can use ‘Clare’s Law’ to check with the police if a current or former partner, or partner of a family member or friend, has been violent or abusive in a previous relationship.

Further reading

Sexual and domestic abuse claims – Oakwood Solicitors

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