The Refrigerator Mum

Any parent of a SEN child will be familiar with the feeling that difficulties they are experiencing, or even their child’s diagnosis itself, is somehow their ‘fault’, that something they did, or are doing, as a parent caused their child to experience difficulties in navigating life as we know it.

Imagine then, how parents felt in the early stages of autism research between the 1940s and 1970s, when parental capability was considered to be a major factor in the development of autism.

The term ‘refrigerator mother’ was coined by Austrian psychiatrist Leo Kanner in the 1940s and referred to a mother’s involvement with her child and how her deficiencies as a mother led to their child being diagnosed with autism.

Specifically it accused the mother (and accused is the only word that can be used in this context) of being cold and uncaring, the associated trauma then, apparently, led to the child ‘developing’ autism.

As parents we are so quick to blame ourselves for any eventuality that befalls our child:

‘My child is being bullied as I chose the wrong school’

‘My child is falling behind as I am not clever enough to help with their homework’

‘I don’t have the money to give my child the same opportunities as his peers’.

I can imagine, then, that those early mothers must have felt traumatised themselves to be given that analysis of their parenting skills.  Not only that, but the very person who could have reached out and helped that autistic child in a world that must have felt bewildering and uncaring, will probably have removed themselves from them in the misguided notion that they were the problem.

I wish I could reach out to those women through the mists of time and give them a huge hug.

Evidence of how the involvement of a family, together with their understanding, can transform the lives and prospects of an autistic individual is borne out by the story of Donald Triplett, the first person to be diagnosed with autism.

Following Donald’s diagnosis he was committed to a state institution in 1937 but was withdrawn from it by his family a year later. Institutions in the early years of autism diagnosis, seemed to be the preferred method of ‘dealing’ with the issue.

Families were encouraged to ‘forget’ about the autistic member of their family and get on with their lives.  This effectively meant that the person with autism would retreat from the world that had rejected them and fail to live full and fulfilled lives.

Donald was different.  Welcomed back by his family and given the space and understanding to develop and act as he felt comfortable, he has gone on to live a full life, graduating with a Bachelor’s degree, travelling the world and working in a bank.

Apparently the community within his home town was also supportive, which enabled him to grow into the person he wanted to be. How different might it have been if his family had left him in that institution?

We all know that changing attitudes over our relatively recent history have led to a more understanding and tolerant society. Consider how our perception of homosexuality has radically changed.  There is still, however, a very long way to go and it is always useful to consider the history of a subject to better understand it.

There are still people I encounter who will say such things as ‘Well you never had autism in my day’ or ‘Why would you want to label a child?’. My response to these, often well meaning, statements (that are not meant to hurt or upset me – more challenge my perception of the situation as it has presented itself in my family) is this.

Everyone has a label of some kind. I am known as the confident, outgoing one. My partner is the ethical and fun one. My youngest the caring and artistic one. My eldest is autistic and meticulous. It is simply a facet of his personality – part of who he is. Only a label in so far as we label everyone. As for ‘not having autism in my day’ it was just not understood in the same way it is now.

Growing up in the 80s I can now look back and identify a number of ‘naughty’ children who were undiagnosed as autistic. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Why should we run away from better understanding people – that is all people in the wonderful kaleidoscope of life we call humanity?

Many things have been misunderstood over the years.  In the 1800s women were often diagnosed with ‘hysteria’, which, it could be argued, was simply a misogynistic tool to ensure that the male status quo was maintained.

At the time, this was a respected and recognised diagnosis. Another example is that The American Psychiatric Association only issued a resolution in 1973 declaring that homosexuality was no longer considered a mental illness. This is only three years before I was born!

As a species we are always learning and progressing. However, the brain, our emotions and cognitive abilities are still such an unknown quantity. We gravitate to the familiar and, if society views autism as simply a ‘label’ they are the beliefs that will prosper.

Further reading

Autism Acceptance Week Awareness – Oakwood Solicitors

Autism Acceptance Week – National Autistic Society