Acceptance

During Autism Acceptance Week, I am endeavouring to explore acceptance on many different levels. I’d like to consider, within this article, acceptance of each other,  both from autistic and non autistic viewpoints.

Consider, if you will, a world where neurodiversity accounted for the larger part of the world’s population, and the ‘neurotypical’ accounted for the remaining 30% – 40% (potentially a conservative estimate of the current neurodiverse population of the world, when you consider that diagnosed people with neurodiverse conditions account for 17%).

The ‘neurotypical’ individual would encounter a world where we were considerate of other’s personal space, allowed room in conversations for a subject to be explored thoroughly, rather than talking over each other in our enthusiasm to put our own point of view across and the constant assault on our senses would be toned down.

The neurotypical person may be frowned upon for their judgement of others, or be misunderstood because the minute arrangement of their facial expressions could not be interpreted by the neurodiverse population.

Food piled high on a plate, overlapping and touching, with flavours mixing and mingling would be considered disgusting and the need for ever more ‘stuff’ piled into homes, causing disorder would be frowned upon.

The ability (or otherwise) of the neurotypical to jump out of bed and fail to follow the same routine every morning would be bewildering to the majority of the world at large.

The neurotypical soul would struggle to ‘fit in’.  They would try (and probably fail) to arrange their morning routine into a semblance of order. They would carefully arrange the food on their plate into sections, but be frustrated when they overlapped.

They might fight against the desire to put different things on the same fork, rather than eat one food group and then the next. They would, however, have no choice, seemingly, to persevere and make their way in life, trying to live the same way as the majority.

Unless the majority were willing to open their minds to the possibility that not everyone eats food groups in turn, or waits patiently for another to finish their task, before interrupting.

Do you see what I did there? Clever I know. It does, however, illustrate a point. Just because the world does not operate in this way, it does not mean that neurodiverse people shouldn’t be able to live life in the way they choose.

Certain things are non negotiable, certainly, hygiene, a job, occasionally compromising on touching food stuffs when eating out.  Other things though, such as hand flapping, zoning out when relaxing and not engaging with others, the need to arrange a room in a certain way and have no one move anything, is simply a different way of living.

Too many people look on autistic traits as ‘odd behaviour’ because for too long it has been hidden away from plain sight.  When you open your eyes to the wonder of difference, and accept that difference, you may be amazed how interesting the world looks.

I have observed hand flapping, pulling an amazing variety of different faces, arranging and re arranging clothes, standing on tip toes and then flat feet, jumping up and down excitedly at (what would seem to be) inappropriate moments and that is all within my own family, depending on the day and the circumstances.

An observer, who has not yet opened their mind, may look on and be disapproving.  In their mind a teenager or young adult does not behave that way. A toddler who has not ‘learnt to control themselves’ may do.  A fully fledged teenager or adult, however, is supposed to supress whatever is causing that excess of energy.

So, acceptance on the part of neurotypical people can simple be accepting that sometimes other people act in a way we do not understand.

Acceptance on the part of neurodiverse people however, is a different story. This involves accepting that certain parts of their personality may be perceived as unpalatable to others, and some people can simply be less understanding.

This can be extremely difficult to process and acknowledge, especially for teenagers who are just finding their own place in the world. Some of the behaviours I have mentioned above are, simply, different. We have to be aware, however, that some behaviours are never going to be acceptable.

This is a challenge, but if society as a whole can accept the wide range of behaviours that are simply just different, an individual or SEN parent attempting to manage behaviour that is never going to be acceptable becomes a little easier.

Frankly, I am talking about sensory issues that lead to hygiene issues, bluntness to the point of rudeness that could cause hurt (‘You are fat’ or ‘Your teeth stick out’ for example) or screaming at the top of your lungs when overwhelmed (rather than attempting to remove yourself from a situation – if this is possible of course).

Recently, I have tried, as an SEN parent, to approach these sort of issues from the angle of acceptance –‘I am sorry darling that you can’t take 10 stuffed toys to school, but sometimes we have to accept that something is not practical, and besides they won’t fit in your bag!’, rather than ‘You cannot take 10 stuffed animals to school – we just don’t do that’. My son is more likely to respond to the practical viewpoint than the indication that it is not the ‘done thing’.

So acceptance on the part of neurotypical and neurodiverse is the ideal I’d love us to strive for and is more likely to foster a society that can get along, with everyone having their own place, safe in the knowledge their behaviour is not ‘wrong’ and judgement will not follow them wherever they go.

Further reading

The Refrigerator Mum – Oakwood Solicitors

Autism Acceptance Week – National Autistic Society