This guide provides advice on prioritising your well-being and managing co-parenting arrangements to ensure a calm and happy festive season for everyone.
Navigating divorce at Christmas
The holiday season following a divorce or separation can be a uniquely challenging time, whether or not children are involved.
It might be your first Christmas spent solo, or away from an extended family you once considered your own. While daunting, with thoughtful planning and self-care, you can navigate this transition and create cherished new memories.
Focus on Yourself: Essential Self-Care
Divorce takes a significant toll on your mental and physical health, a strain often amplified by the holidays. Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary for healing.
- Reach Out for Support: It is normal to feel lonely and isolated. Minimise these feelings by reaching out to friends and family. Spend time surrounded by people who care about you.
- Prioritise Well-being: Slow down. Ensure you are getting enough sleep, eating well, and engaging in activities you find soothing and enjoyable. Respect your physical and emotional needs.
- Focus on the Present: While fond memories of past Christmases are natural, try to focus on the “now.” Look forward to creating new traditions and positive memories you can cherish.
- Seek Professional Help: If you are struggling with the emotional aftermath, consider speaking with a therapist or counsellor. They can provide a safe space to process your feelings and develop healthy, sustainable coping habits.
Sharing Christmas: Planning with Your Co-Parent
The first Christmas after a divorce, especially with children, requires significant effort and a focus on providing your kids with a sense of normalcy and stability. Early planning is key to reducing stress and conflict.
1. Communicate and plan in advance
The most crucial step is to communicate with your ex-partner early to negotiate a clear schedule.
- Discuss Key Dates: Clearly discuss who will have the children on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Boxing Day. Many families alternate these days each year, or divide the time (e.g., one parent gets Christmas Eve/morning, the other gets afternoon/Boxing Day).
- Be Collaborative: This is a trying time for both parents. Try to be as flexible and collaborative as possible. Agreeing early on allows both parents time to compromise and make necessary arrangements.
- Confirm in Writing: Once dates and times are agreed upon, confirm them in writing (via email or a co-parenting app) to avoid misunderstandings later.
2.Embrace new traditions
Christmas will look different, but different doesn’t have to mean upsetting. Focus on preserving the feeling of warmth, fun, and love.
- Adopt “Second Christmas”: If you are alternating Christmas Day, consider adopting the concept of a “second Christmas.” This allows children to experience a magical celebration with each parent in their respective households, ensuring no one feels left out.
- Keep Familiar Rituals Alive: Children thrive on consistency. Keep smaller, familiar rituals going—watching Christmas movies, baking treats, or visiting a specific spot for lights. You and your co-parent can still manage to do many of these, perhaps just at different points in the holiday.
- Create New Traditions: Focus on the priceless time you spend with your family and invent new ways to celebrate. Don’t compare the holiday you are hosting to the Christmases of the past.
3. Grandparents and extended family
Remember that Christmas is also different for your children’s grandparents.
- Schedule Visits: Find a suitable day near Christmas to organise a special get-together for the children to see their grandparents. While it may require a sacrifice on your part, these quality moments will be core memories for your children.
4. Navigate exchanging gifts
Avoid unnecessary conflict and tension around presents by coordinating with your ex-partner.
- No Present Competitions: Do not engage in trying to outdo your ex-partner with extravagant presents. This behaviour is unhealthy for you and your children. The real gift is the time spent together.
- Divide the List: When possible, divide the children’s Christmas list to avoid buying the same gifts. This demonstrates healthy co-parenting and allows your holidays to flow more smoothly.
- Be Transparent: If you cannot afford a gift, be honest with your child. It is an important lesson that the greatest gifts are non-material.
5.Prorotise your children’s wellbeing
Above all, the main priority is cultivating a supportive and nurturing environment for your children.
- Listen to Your Children: Ask your children how they are feeling and allow them to feel seen and heard during this transitional time. Understanding their side can help both parents make sounder decisions about moving forward.
- Do Not Criticise Your Ex: No matter how frustrated or stressed you feel, never speak negatively of your co-parent in front of your children.
- Stay Connected: If you cannot physically be with your children on Christmas, use video calls, messages, or letters. It may not be ideal, but it’s vital for their happiness that you stay connected.
When Agreements Can’t Be Reached
If communication is tricky or you cannot come to an agreement, you have options to find a workable solution:
- Family Mediation: A family mediation session provides a neutral, supportive setting to work through arrangements. It focuses on your children’s best interests rather than past grievances and can establish a framework for future Christmases.
- Legal Advice: If mediation doesn’t resolve the conflict, our family law solicitors can explain your options, including seeking a Child Arrangement Order to secure clear, workable arrangements for seeing your children and for overnight stays.
Remember, Christmas after separation can feel different, but with a child-focused approach and a commitment to communication, you can preserve the season’s peace and joy.
You deserve a Christmas built around calmness and connection with your family.
Frequently asked questions:
Can you help me settle divorce proceedings or a civil partnership dissolution?
The process of starting or responding to divorce or civil partnership proceedings can be confusing and stressful.
If you don’t get the details right, it can mean things take a lot longer and could lead to unnecessary conflict.
Our divorce lawyers can guide you through the legal side of ending your relationship, helping the process go as swiftly and smoothly as possible.
We can also advise you on the most effective approach to minimise the potential for conflict with your spouse or civil partner.
Financial settlements for divorce and dissolution
Achieving a fair separation of your finances that meets your needs can be challenging during a separation, especially if there are high-value and/or complex assets to consider.
While you can apply to a court to make a settlement for yourself, most couples are now able to agree on a settlement out of court with the right legal advice and support.
Our family law team can help you achieve the best possible settlement for your divorce or civil partnership dissolution with clear, practical advice and support. We have particular expertise in matters including business assets, trusts, and high net worth assets.
Find out more about how we can help you make a financial settlement for your divorce or civil partnership dissolution.
Arrangements for children:
When you have children, divorce and separation can be particularly difficult to deal with. Making sure your children’s best interests and your rights as a parent are protected requires a careful approach so that you can get the right arrangements in place while avoiding unnecessary conflict.
Our family law team is highly experienced in dealing with arrangements for children, so we can help you agree with your former partner on how to share your children’s care in a way that works for everyone.
Where you cannot make a voluntary agreement, we can advise you on your options, including taking the matter to a family court if required.
How are fees calculated?
We know that the cost of dealing with divorce and civil partnership dissolution is usually a key concern for many people. We therefore aim to keep our pricing clear and competitive, while offering you the high-quality expertise and personal service you deserve.
Some of our services can be offered on a fixed fee basis, meaning we quote a single price to handle a specific matter, and that is the only price you pay. This is often a good option for straightforward issues, such as filling out and submitting your divorce petition.
Other services are more normally offered at an hourly rate, meaning we can offer you exactly as much support as you need to see the matter through to the right outcome. All billable work is always agreed in advance, allowing you to keep total control over the costs involved.
To find out more about our divorce and dissolution pricing, please get in touch.
Further information:
Divorce and Civil Partnership Dissolution.
Festivities, Finances & Frustrations – How Christmas Can Become The Final Straw & What To Do Next?
How to Deal with Divorce During Christmas.
Planning for Christmas: a guide for separated parents.
WHAT TO DO NEXT
If you want to discuss your circumstances and options with our family department, we are here to support you.
Contact us for a free initial consultation regarding your options on 0113 200 9720 or email enquiries@oakwoodsolicitors.co.uk.
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Sarah Hull is a Family Law Consultant. Sarah is adept at understanding and managing difficult issues, involving settlements including High Net Worth Assets, Company Structures, Family-Owned Businesses…
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